It's one of the first questions almost every buyer asks: "How much house can I afford?"

Getting pre-approved for a mortgage is an important part of finding the answer. Your lender will review your income, debts, credit and other financial information to determine what you may qualify to borrow.

But there's another question that's just as important: How much do you actually want to spend? Those aren't necessarily the same number. A lender can help determine what mortgage you qualify for. Only you can decide what monthly housing expense fits comfortably into the life you want to live.

Start With the Monthly Payment, Not Just the Purchase Price

It's easy to begin a home search by saying, "We're looking up to $450,000." But purchase price alone doesn't tell you what a home will cost each month.

Your total housing expense may include your mortgage principal and interest, property taxes, homeowners insurance, mortgage insurance when applicable, and condominium or association fees if the property has them. Two homes with the same purchase price can have noticeably different monthly costs.

That's why it's useful to ask your lender to help you understand the estimated total monthly payment, not simply the loan amount.

Then Look at the Rest of Your Life

This is the part no mortgage calculator knows. What do you like spending money on?

Maybe you love to travel. Maybe you eat out several times a week. Maybe you have an expensive hobby. Maybe you want to keep contributing aggressively to retirement. Maybe your dog has somehow acquired a healthcare budget comparable to a small country's GDP.

Whatever it is, your discretionary spending matters. Technically being able to make a mortgage payment isn't the same thing as being comfortable making it. If buying at the top of your approved range means giving up everything that makes your life enjoyable, you may decide you'd rather buy a less expensive home.

That's not buying "less house than you can afford." It's deciding what else you want to be able to afford, too.

Owning a Home Costs More Than the Mortgage Payment

Renters generally know what their housing expense will be each month. Homeownership comes with more variables.

The furnace eventually needs servicing. A water heater fails. The driveway needs attention. The refrigerator stops working approximately twelve minutes after its warranty expires. Some years may be inexpensive. Other years won't be.

A realistic homeownership budget should leave room for maintenance, repairs and eventually replacement of the home's major systems and components. How much you'll need depends considerably on the property. A newer condominium and a 150-year-old house on several acres may have completely different maintenance needs even if their purchase prices are similar. This is one reason the house itself matters when deciding what you can comfortably afford.

Don't Spend Every Dollar Getting Into the House

Buying a home usually involves more than the down payment. There may be closing costs, inspections, moving expenses, prepaid expenses and things you'll need shortly after moving in. 

Ideally, closing on your home shouldn't leave your bank account at zero. Having some money left afterward can make the first unexpected repair considerably less stressful.

Think About the Expenses That Might Change

Your budget today isn't necessarily your budget five years from now. Property taxes can increase. Insurance premiums can change. Condominium fees may rise. Utility costs fluctuate. Your own life can change too. That doesn't mean you need to predict every possible future expense before buying a house. Nobody can.

But it's worth asking:

If my housing costs increased somewhat, would I still be comfortable?

A little breathing room can be valuable.

Try Living With the Payment Before You Buy

If you're several months away from purchasing, here's an interesting exercise. Suppose you're currently paying $1,800 in rent, but you estimate that owning the type of home you're considering would cost $2,600 per month.

Try putting the $800 difference into savings each month. What happens? If it feels manageable, you've learned something useful and increased your savings at the same time. If you're constantly pulling the money back out to cover normal expenses, you've learned something useful too.

Better to discover that before closing.

Make a Homeownership Budget, Not Just a Mortgage Budget

Before deciding on your comfortable price range, sit down with your actual spending. Not the imaginary budget where you never order takeout and mysteriously stop buying things at Target.

The real one.

Look at your regular expenses, debt payments, savings goals and discretionary spending. Then add estimated homeownership expenses. Ask yourself what happens if the car needs a repair the same month the washing machine stops working.

Does the budget work? Or does it break?

You Don't Have to Shop at the Top of Your Pre-Approval

This is something buyers sometimes misunderstand. If your lender approves you up to a certain purchase price, you don't have to spend that much.

Your pre-approval establishes financing parameters. It isn't a shopping assignment. Tell your agent what monthly payment feels comfortable to you. If you're approved to purchase up to $500,000 but you've decided that the payment associated with a $425,000 home fits your life better, that's valuable information. We'll search accordingly.

Don't Forget to Budget for Actually Living in the House

This may sound silly, but it matters. You aren't buying a mortgage. You're buying a place to live.

You may want money for furniture eventually. You may want to paint. Plant a garden. Get a dog. Take vacations. Go out to dinner. Buy Christmas presents. Save for retirement. Homeownership should fit into your financial life. It doesn't have to become your entire financial life.

So, How Much Home Can You Afford?

Start with your lender. Find out what financing may be available to you, what different purchase prices could mean for your monthly payment, and how taxes, insurance and other costs affect the numbers. Then take those numbers home and look at your life.

Ask yourself:

What payment can I make while still saving, handling unexpected expenses and spending money on the things that matter to me?

That number may be lower than the maximum amount you're approved to borrow. And that's completely okay. The goal isn't to buy the most expensive home someone will lend you money to purchase.

The goal is to buy a home you can comfortably own and still afford the life you want to live.